Food as a coping mechanism

And other things you can forgive yourself for

I have an eating disorder. (I feel ashamed to write that, which is why I am.) I want to erase the "have" and replace it with "had" and to be honest, I certainly could. I have considered myself recovered for at least half a decade.

But that would deny last year's relapse. It can still be hard to talk about. As I said, there is shame.

But as much as I much beat myself up for having these issues sometimes, I can (usually) manage to convince myself that my eating disorder isn't actually a personal weakness or failing.

That's something a lot of people can't say, and I think it's an idea worth bringing some awareness, and acceptance, to. On my part as well.

My eating disorder is not a healthy coping mechanism. But it is a coping mechanism, one I developed early on to cope with life stress. And one that, when that life stress becomes overwhelming again, can seem like the only possible answer.

I say it's "stupid I can't feed myself" but if it were really that simple, I probably could. Evidence suggests I'm not a stupid person normally, so maybe it's *not* that simple.

Maybe the eating disorder is my blind spot because like any disease of addiction, hiding is its survival and it's gotten damn good at it.

Eating disorders are insidious demons. Full stop. Try to use that as motivation for recovery, not corroboration of low self-worth.

You're not stupid. You just need help. ❤️